Taskmaster task outfits: ranked
The following is the definitive ranking of Taskmaster task outfits. I placed each outfit on a whim and stand by absolutely none of it, so do not come at me, I will fold immediately.
I'll be honest, I thought this was going to be a quick and easy newsletter when I didn't have a lot of spare brain, but it took fucking ages. I hope you're happy. The quality and size of the images are both wildly inconsistent, as was my approach to ranking the outfits
There's also a strong chance I will lose track of the numbers, again, do not come at me, I simply do not care.
- Sue Perkins
The top spot goes to Sue Perkins. This is – and I say this as one of the straighter women of my acquaintance – the hottest any human has ever looked.
- Tim Key
See, I feel like people might argue that it's unfair to expect the same sartorial energy in the early seasons. The tradition of the task outfit hadn't been established, how could they know what they'd be competing with? Well, here's Tim Key, putting the lie to that argument right out of the gate. The red tracksuit alone is a strong move, the headband is exquisite, and on top of it all, or under it all, a shirt and tie. Iconic.
- Katherine Parkinson
Note to MI6: you could plop Katherine Parkinson in this outfit next to any person of interest, have her stare at them in silence and they would, unprompted, spill all their secrets.
- Rose Matafeo
Haters will say Rose Matafeo got the job hosting Junior Taskmaster merely because she's a "skilled comedian" but real ones know it's because of how well she rocked this brown velvet suit.
- Sarah Kendall
Boiler suits and jumpsuits get a lot of play in the Taskmaster house for a reason, and it's tough to pick favourites, but the acid wash denim is outstanding and also would you look at that hair? Hair counts as an outfit when it's this good.
- Aisling Bea
We're going to see a lot of variations on the Suit, and the first one is fake and lime green. It is the epitome of cool.
- Johnny Vegas
Something that's going to get you points with me is knowing what you're working with. Do you know what I mean? Like, living up to that Dolly Parton quote everyone loves, knowing who you are and doing it on purpose. Johnny Vegas was born to do a series of ridiculous tasks in a three-piece suit, flat cap and watch chain, and it's a rare moment of the universe working as it should that he got to.
- Kiell Smith-Bynoe
Another great entry in the boilersuit/jumpsuit cannon, this time of the race car driver variety. At least, I think it's of the race car driver variety, but everything I know about racing cars I learnt from Charlie's Angels, please do not correct me. But a strong entry, on a nice man.
- Mike Wozniak
Many Parton Points here for Mike Wozniak here, coming in hot as the archetypal Befuddled British Man in the standard uniform of suit and tie.
- Mel Giedroyc
Another great boiler suit, perfectly complemented by braids, it's like if Heidi and Rosie the Riveter had a baby and I'm here for it.
- Mawaan Rizwan
A jumpsuit but for space! I know this one is right because it says NASA.
- Susan Wokoma
I would follow Susan Wokoma into hell itself, and it's kind of her to make that as easy as possible. The bright green, the pink sequins, these are important aids to visibility when striding through the acrid, smoke filled air of the underworld.
- Katy Wix
Practical. Sensible. This is an unpredictable show, a hi-vis vest and a construction helmet are a very wise choice.
- Desiree Burch
She's wearing space. She's wearing all of space.
- Joanne McNally
Just another good jumpsuit. A good jumpsuit is never a bad idea. And it has stripes!
- Sam Campbell
Sam Campbell scores high in normal clothes here because he somehow managed to find the shirt that would make him look the most visibly Australian. I realise he's very visibly Australian just as standard, but the shirt is doing something, right? Look at this Australian-ass shirt!
- Dara Ó Briain
Is it Dara Ó Briain's fault that this look worked better on Sue Perkins? No, no it isn't, but we're all dealing with horrible realities that aren't our fault.
- Bridget Christie
I don't think Bridget Christie made a special effort to find a Taskmaster outfit, I think she just threw something on on the first day of filming and that was that, but good god is it, as the kids say, a lewk.
- John Kearns
Another case of scoring well for knowing who you are and doing it on purpose, in this case: an average English man who is so awkward he might die. 12 Parton Points.
- Jack Dee
The thing about wearing a suit to do a Taskmaster is that it's always so funny. The fact that the UK has so many comedians who you can't imagine out of a suit is, in itself funny – what's the point of working in entertainment if not to avoid having to wear a suit to work? – but then you add the silly little tasks and you get magic.
- Joe Wilkinson
I mean, look at Joe Wilkinson here – he must always be wearing a suit, and he suit must always be very dishevelled, anything else would be viscerally incorrect, these are a genre of men who can only exist in the British Isles.
- Jenny Eclair
Just wearing your own clothes is not going to go well for many of the contestants, but Jenny Eclair gets a bonus because look at this flowing kimono and scarf combination! So inappropriate to the task at hand (complimentary).
- Jessica Knappett
Just another good jumpsuit! She looks great in red! What else do you people want!
- Al Murray
This is a perfectly cromulent outfit for a British man (and a British man alone) and yet it somehow feels very scrumbled together.
- Rosie Jones
Again! Jumpsuits and boiler suits, I'm never going to be mad about.
- Iain Stirling
This positioning is all about the moustache/glasses combo. Sometimes that's all it takes.
- Ivo Graham
Shorts. Compelling.
- Emma Sidi
It's honestly astonishing that it took this long for someone to come dressed as Inspector Gadget.
- Phil Wang
Arguably the boldest look to enter the Taskmaster house, but you can't look directly at it.
- Sara Pascoe
Practical. Sensible. This woman isn't here to fuck around, she's here to do tasks.
- Sophie Duker
She just looks so comfortable. You can't argue with it!
- James Acaster
Look, I'm honestly surprised and impressed that we're 32 deep on this thing and the fits are still pretty strong. This is a great jacket! And the glasses are a very nice touch!
- Joe Lycett
It's a funny thing but highly impractical fits will score well for me, as will highly practical ones. It's the middle ground that will suffer. Anyway, this coat is ridiculous, I'm a fan.
- Lolly Adefope
Sleek, elegant, ready to summersault through a laser grid.
- Bob Mortimer
You see what I mean about suits? You're on a very silly show involving messy tasks and your dressed to manage a bank, but what else would this man wear?
- Morgana Robinson
Look, I'll be honest, I'm running out of ways to say boiler suits are good.
- Charlotte Ritchie
Simple, elegant. Good, comfortable Lucy & Yaks, a pair of chucks. Goggles for some reason. Strong showing.
- Munya Chawawa
Yes, good, jumpsuit. Patches a bit of the big side, but it remains a safe bet.
- Liza Tarbuck
I'm obsessed. She's wearing a scarf. She looks like she's holding her wallet, keys, and phone in one hand while she runs into the shop. I love it, no notes.
- Lee Mack
Look, if it wasn't for the little cape I would wear this jacket anywhere. But we are starting to try a little too hard.
- Lou Sanders
Still a safe bet, but something about the trim doesn't work as well for me. But it's a crowded field in jumpsuit land, a tough bunch to beat.
- Paul Sinha
Look, I don't really want to examine why exactly I have so much sympathy for these choices.
- Alice Levine
Camo on a pretty lady, there's no going wrong, but it's not all that exciting.
- Alan Davies
There's a whole slew of black hoodies coming up and, spoilers, they're not going to perform well, as a group. But this one says dignity on it, and there's no denying that's pretty funny.
- Siân Gibson
Again, a jumpsuit, not mad about, just not the most exciting one on show.
- Katherine Ryan
A very elegant ensemble. Too elegant?
- Fern Brady
We're getting into a bit much territory here. It's tricky, it's a fine balance.
- Nish Kumar
I checked on the internet and Nish Kumar is the child of immigrants and therefore provides solid proof that it only takes one generation to become so British that you look normal wearing a suit on the beach.
- Frank Skinner
Again, I ask you, what else would this man wear?
- John Robins
This is fine. It feels like it should be better than fine, but it's just fine. Who knows why, this is not a refined science.
- Sophie Willan
A nice pair of overalls, this is a pretty good look, but we are solidly in the middle of the pack now.
- Sally Phillips
Bonus points for the lips, Sally. Bonus points for the lips.
- Tim Vine
Trying a little too hard, and a little too empire.
- Romesh Ranganathan
The thing is, when you choose to wear suits in your job as a comedian, you're committing to so much tailoring. And you don't have to be doing this. And yet, again, look at him! What else would he wear!
- Julian Clary
I honestly have no idea what's going on here but I'm not not into it.
- Sarah Millican
Not the best just popped on something from my wardrobe but not the worst.
- Guz Khan
A black hoodie, which scores poorly, but Guz Khan accessorises with Guz Khan's face, which really elevates the whole ensemble.
- Hugh Dennis
Just normal clothes on a normal man.
- Jon Richardson
More normal clothes! I can't always have a joke! I have been at this for hours.
- Rhod Gilbert
Why on earth did I think I would have something to say about every single Taskmaster contestant, what is wrong with me, do you know, for a moment, I considered including the New Zealand seasons!
- Daisy May Cooper
This isn't bad, it's just not that good. But at least we're trying, at least we've made an effort.
- Paul Chowdhry
We're getting into a real sunk cost fallacy situation here, what is there to say about this boring, boring outfit.
- Doc Brown
I am in blood stepp'd in so far that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o'er
- Lucy Beaumont
A tracksuit! Fine! We're here to talk about tracksuits for two thousand words.
- Rob Beckett
There was once a life outside of office wear on a comedy show, but that life is gone now.
- Steve Pemberton
Ok, but there was something discomforting about Steve Pemberton in this tuxedo shirt. I can't explain it but I don't like it.
- Judi Love
Ok, this probably deserves to be higher up than all the navy jumpers, but if I move it I'll have to redo all the numbers and I cannot do it, I long for death.
- Dave Gorman
At least it's got a pattern.
- Ed Gamble
More interesting than much of what's gone before, but sadly not in a good way.
- Jo Brand
I feel like when I dropped this photo into the post I felt more charitable towards Jo Brand but then I lost what remained of my peaceful mind so now, I would outlaw plain black tops for all eternity.
- Roisin Conaty
I mean I just think this top is ugly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Victoria Coren Mitchell
I have nothing to say about this.
- Asim Chaudhry
The thing is, I could have made this a select ranking. I could have just highlighted the best looks. Why did I think it was a good idea to comment on plain black sweatshirts?
- Andy Zaltzman
I think if he'd kept it to just the cricket whites I would have been more on board, but insisting on the helmet and gloves and bat all the time pushed things too far. It's like Coco Chanel (scandal noted) said, always take one thing off before you leave the house.
- Kerry Godliman
Another ugly top, sorry about it.
- Joe Thomas
No one asked me to do this!!! No one is continuing to ask me to do this!!!
- Mae Martin
Why didn't I do a small maths before I started? Just a quick 18 x 5? Just to check how dumb I'd have to be to do this?
- Mark Watson
Why are you wasting my time with this bullshit, Mark, get it together, make an effort.
- Noel Fielding
Deeply irritating but at least it stands out.
- Babátúndé Aléshé
There are fun sweatshirts in the world, do people know this? There are cool designs and interesting colours.
- Chris Ramsey
It is not lost on me that most of the boring fits are men. Masculinity is a prison, you can break out, dare to dream, dare to dress like you have an imagination!
- Jamali Maddix
I never want to see a black hoodie again as long as I live.
- David Baddiel
I hate it here.
- Josh Widdicombe
Go away.
- Richard Osman
Seriously, do men know they don't have to be boring?
- Frankie Boyle
So many of these are not just one plain top but two plain tops one over t'other. Why? Why do they dress like this? Why am I looking at it? Why am I writing about it?
- Russel Howard
Uuurrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh.
- Richard Herring
An almost disrespectfully bad look, an I rolled out of bed into the dirty laundry pile look.
- Ardal O'Hanlon
Ok. It's ok. We're almost there. We're so close to the end.
- Nick Mohammed
And here we have it, the worst Taskmaster tasks fit of all time. I hate this so much I may never be able to come around on Nick Mohammed as a person. He may be a perfectly nice man and a good actor and whatnot but I don't think I'll ever be able to look past this disaster.
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